Dear Abby

Dear Abby,

I hope you won’t consider it rude of me to mention that the only reason I’m writing is because between the coughing and congestion, my internal censorship committee is being drowned out. I know I was suppose to fire them years ago but in this economy I’m just so concerned they won’t find other work. And any way, soon enough they’ll be back at it with me, thanks to the DayQuil. Which brings me to my first thing…

I haven’t taken cold medicine in such a long time that the immediate effect of this stuff feels like some kind of black magic. It’s not that I’m against putting chemical toxins in my body, I just relish opportunities to feel superior to others more than being able to breathe through my nose. Is this a sign of a serious personality disorder or normal for a Monday?

Next up, I’ve recently come to own that I do not enjoy shopping, bubble baths, or “owning” things. I don’t think it helps that the two episodes of GIRLS (caps required) I’ve seen have ruined my life. Does this make me boring or does it mean that I’m having an appropriate reaction to an inappropriate situation?

This one is really a team effort, so on behalf of Sarah and myself I would like your take on how many waffles you consider a “standard serving size.” 2? 3? 11? Do you agree that this number should be in proportion to “days left to live”?

And lastly, the baby found a really cool rock on our walk today. Way to go baby. You’re amazing!!!!!! On the way home she started eating it (nevermind…) and while my initial reaction was “Ew. Totally gross! No way!!” I quickly realized that Z’s eating a rock doesn’t even place on any of the lists of things I care about. Her health? Sure. But seriously, can’t see her coming down with something and my brain figuring “it must have been the rock.” In fact, a small part of me was more than OK with her eating a rock. Is this something I can bring up at a mom group or no?

I look forward to your insight on these situations and though I won’t act on the mom group discussion for now, I will happily assume the waffle serving size is closer to the latter suggestion until you deposit your two cents.

Yours truly,



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