Roses are red, Violets are violet.

Valentine’s Day is right around the corner (if it takes you two weeks to turn corners…) and I know we’re all looking for a special, unique, and personal way to let our loves know how clever and thoughtful we are.

This holiday also presents us with a completely inappropriate opportunity to begin that open and honest communication our therapists have been trying to sell us for years!

SO, being the compulsively helpful person that I am, I wanted to share some ideas to fill all the open space that Hallmark may leave you.

Valentine, I love you with all of my body and mind and whatever remains of the soul you have slowly sucked out of me over the last (fill in the number) years/months/weeks/days.

Roses are red, Violets are blue, Why are you eating all of my food?

I want to kill you with kindness and knives.

My love, I didn’t realize this year’s Valentine’s Day was 1960’s themed until you gifted me an iron/vacuum/cookie sheet/set of tea towels. Since this is the case, my Valentine’s wish for you is that they reinstate the draft.

I am at my happiest when you are happy. I am at my best when you are at your best. When you are down, I am so low. This is not because I love you fiercely, but because I’m fiercely (and a diagnosed) codependent.

Valentine, What ever did I do to deserve you?

Valentine, Chocolates and roses!?! What woman doesn’t love candy and flowers??? But here’s a thought: Next year save yourself some money and just pick me up a six pack of that Jamie Lee Curtis yogurt and a box of tampons. Same sentiment at half the price.


2 responses to “Roses are red, Violets are violet.

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