Just so we’re clear, this is a strategy designed for anyone hunkering down in close proximity to children or those who tend to act like such (even if “those” refers to a part of your self that sometimes requires a time-out), who would like to have as chaotic a snow day as possible.
Also, so as not to mislead you, the real lack of preparation for an extended period inside begins the day before, when the lovely British firefighter (you read me right) unexpectedly shows up bearing gifts of extra firewood. Your better judgment may say “let’s move some of this inside before the snow starts” but when is the last time we collaborated with common sense? No. Like a sicko, you will leave the beautiful pile of wood outside so that by early the next morning it is soaked through with snow and you are lacking a picture of a “warm winter fire #snowday #hubsisthebest #mymanssomanly #fireishot” on your Facebook wall.
The day before, you will also want to make sure you stop by the store and pick up everything you need (for me this is chocolate, wine, and coffee) and forget anything your loved ones have asked to have on hand. This way you will at least be eating or drinking something delicious while everyone else plots your death.
If you have a toddler on your hands, you’re going to need some snow-themed activities, like “painting with snow.” This is a surefire way to have the worst snow day possible. Not only does it bring a little bit of the outside inside but it also brings a little bit of the outside inside. Oddly enough, toddlers do not enjoy the clean up game as much as the paint the couch with snow game. But it’s cool. Who wants to sit and relax today anyway? Not you. That would make this snow day semi-tolerable.
If, like me, in your infinite brilliance you plan to use part or all of the day to clean things out, definitely go ahead with this amazing idea. Just make sure you are trying to organize your most hazardous/toxic/heavy items while the child is awake. Based on my own experience I can tell you that attempting to sort weights, black inkpads, nails and screws, and knitting needles is the way. to. go. Your rate of productivity will be worse than congress’ and your house will look (as Adam put it) “like Charlie Sheen went on a bender”, which is great as I for one have felt very left out of that scene for the last few years.
You will know your day is going exactly right when you realize that your child’s favorite show, the show you have been counting the seconds to for the last three hours, is not airing today so that the station can run an educational program about colonial Williamsburg. To make this situation even better, you should choose this exact moment to stress eat in front of your child who has been begging for “num nums” since breakfast. You should then rationalize that while you must immediately consume at least three Chewy Chips Ahoy cookies, even a nibble of cookie will be too much sugar for your future class president. Now, watch her go ballistic.
This is as far as I’ve made it today. I’m planning to try and get some me time in as soon as Z wakes up from her nap. Then there will be some snowman building, which will involve a huge fight over my not letting her eat the dog pee snow. And once she’s asleep, there will be strangely quiet dinner of chocolate, wine, and coffee, after which we’ll retire to the living room where we will avoid sitting on the couches while trying to imagine the warmth a fire.